Preached at The Church of St. Mary the Virgin, Chappaqua, NY

October 30, 2025

John 15:9-16

“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.”

Thank you, St. Mary’s, for having me to preach at the institution of Chris Lee as your 9th rector — I am honored to be here and really feeling the joy that Jesus talks about in the Gospel tonight. God’s joy is in us, God’s joy is in you — thank you to the choir and all the many people who are making this service the celebration that it is. 

I’m a priest in this diocese; for 7 years, I’ve been the associate rector at Grace Church in Manhattan. 

But 12 years ago, I was the seminarian in a different diocese, at All Saints’ Church in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Very briefly, allow me to paint a picture of 28 year-old Julia, not the polished specimen you see here: 

I was living in a teeny, tiny apartment in Crown Heights with four roommates — a few of whom are now also priests, and I won’t name them, because that might give you the wrong idea about our manner of living. What does the litany say — “adorned with Christian virtue” we were not. It was a real bachelor’s apartment, if you know what I mean. Lots of dishes piled in the sink, no design sense, piles of books everywhere from seminary — and we all came home late at night, every night, and every morning was a cacophony of alarms and snooze buttons for hours on end before anyone got up. 

The chaos of my home life was one thing, but I think back on this time so fondly, anyway, because I absolutely loved being the seminarian at All Saints’ Church. 

This was a place that was full of joy. A big, unwieldy church building with a wonky pipe organ and a pigeon who made regular visits inside the sanctuary — it was nevertheless filled to the brim with loving people from all walks of life who loved God and loved their church. My supervisor — who became my mentor and good friend — Steven Paulikas, had only been there for a couple years when I started as seminarian, and in that time, he along with the exuberant congregation and the gift of their location in the center of Park Slope, had been seeing the congregation grow and grow. Good things were happening there at All Saints’.

Chris Lee was one of the many new folks who started attending All Saints’ right around the time I started as seminarian. And he was one of an interesting growing demographic. Now forgive me for characterizing you this way, Chris, but it was an undeniable trend: one of the groups we saw growing the fastest at All Saints’ Church in 2013 was “straight dads.” He was one of many of these types — and Steve and I couldn’t make any sense of this growth since that was neither of our own demographics, but what could we say, the holy spirit was bringing All Saints’ all these responsible married men with jobs and 2 kids at home. 

A few months into my time at All Saints’ I got an email from Chris Lee. It’s hard to put myself back in the shoes of a seminarian, but I’m remembering that getting an email from a parishioner felt very exciting. “Chris Lee emailed me — he’s one of those dads, right?” I asked Steve. 

“Oh yeah, he’s a really good one, he’s an editor at the New York Times.” In the email, Chris was asking if I’d be able to meet with him to talk more — a classic new parishioner meeting. 

Yes! This is what seminarians live for! So we made a plan to meet at a diner at 9:30 in the morning on a Friday. 

So back to the squalor I lived in, and my general schedule — 9:30 in the morning on a Friday was, like — as far as I knew, before the sun came up? But I knew it was also probably the middle of Chris’s day. So I pretended that I was a functional adult and I agreed to this plan. 

The morning of our meeting came and, perhaps you see where this is going, I hit snooze one too many times. I looked down at my phone and it was 9:50. I sat up with a shot. And I already had a text from Chris — hey are you close? I’ll be there in 10 I said! (Nevermind that I lived 20 minutes away, and I was still in my pajamas in bed.) “Actually — I have to go, but no problem, we’ll reschedule!” 

Oh noooooooo. This did not feel good. Not only did I totally botch my meeting with Chris, but I was also going to have to tell my supervisor that I totally botched my meeting with Chris. And when I did — Steve said something that was so true: “well, we’re both really lucky that was Chris Lee that was sitting there and not someone else.”

Of course Chris Lee had the utmost grace for me. This pastoral betrayal did not derail any aspect of his quest for spiritual enlightenment or his interest in being part of a faith community. And in fact, we went on to do many things together at All Saints’ Church — pastoral visits, newcomers classes, and all the great things of parish ministry. He probably does remember that it happened — I’m afraid to look over — but I know that it did not change the faith that he had in me, or All Saints’, or the God that brought us together. 

In the Gospel of John, Jesus talks a lot about what people are going to need to make it through the trials of life together on this earth. Jesus wants us to understand what is at stake, and what freedom waits in abiding in God’s love. 

What does it mean to abide in God’s love? Not just to reside, not just to bask in it, not to rest in it, not even to spread it — but to abide in it? It means both to accept it and also to act like you accept it. It means you can tolerate it, you can ride with it, you move with it. There’s a reason the movie The Big Lebowski used the word for the dude — “the dude abides” — not because that film is particularly astute theologically, but because it knows that abiding requires a kind of coolness, a cool factor. It requires that you get it and you go with it, not apathetic to it, but not knocked over or derailed by it.

Chris Lee is a person who abides. He abides in God’s love, for the sake of the church. St. Mary’s — you now know the luck of finding Chris Lee — like Steve said, we are all really lucky that this is Chris Lee that’s sitting there. 

Or — of course — I don’t really think luck has anything to do with it, actually, but rather the Holy Spirit who has called him to this place for this time to abide with you. Just look at the rainbow that appeared on the road tonight as folks made their way here — did you see it? A sign of God’s providential hand in this. 

Like the phenomenon of all those dads at All Saints’ — so many times in church life it’s impossible to understand why the grace is happening, why the thing has landed in your lap. But what we are called to do is to abide in it. As the father has loved me, so I love you. Abide in my love. 

I asked Chris a few questions ahead of writing this sermon for you — and I realized as I was interviewing him, that my questions were a lot like a pre-marital survey I’ll do with a couple before I officiate their wedding — “when did you know that this was it for you? How did you choose to do it this way?” 

Chris said he chose this Gospel reading because he knew he was called to be here at St. Mary’s when he saw how much you loved each other and how much you loved your church. “True friendship abides, it is selfless, and it flows from God to us and through us and back. That’s what church is,” he says. 

It’s a lot like marriage and family, too, and in Chris you have found a rector who abides with his family — in his marriage with Julie and as a parent to Thaddeus and Callum. If you can believe it, 12 years ago they were 2 little guys, I even babysat them once and got to sit on the floor of their Brooklyn apartment playing legos. Even though technically I was ahead of Chris in the ordination process and have been a priest a whole 2 years more, which I will never let him forget, in almost every other sense I am following in his footsteps — in my marriage to my wife Caitlin who knew she could do it because of people like Julie, and in parenting my own two lego fiends Harry and Gus, who are still little guys.

So St. Mary’s: You are not always going to be perfect with each other. You are going to sleep through some alarms, literal and metaphorical. The love you have for each other might not always mean that everyone always likes each other. But you’ll always both be really lucky that it’s Chris Lee sitting there, abiding: that the Holy Spirit brought Chris to be your rector, who knows your potential, who believes in your mission, and who is called by God to the privilege of leading you through it. Thanks be to God and AMEN.