At Grace Church this year, ten adults will be baptized during The Great Vigil of Easter at 7pm on Saturday, April 19. I was baptized in November 1985, when I was about 12 weeks old. Of course, I don’t remember a thing about it. I remember the priest and the place and my parents and my godparents from later times in my life. I remember the words that were said because I’ve said them hundreds of times since — as fellow congregant, as parent, as godparent, and as priest. But I was curious — what’s it like to get baptized as an adult? So I asked a handful of folks who can remember their baptisms (all in Episcopal churches) to share their experiences. Here are some of them:

From M:

First of all, I’m so glad you asked folks about this because I think doing a baptism as an adult can be intimidating — even in a loving, supportive parish. That was my experience at least!

I’m going to break down for you some of the things I was worried about, which are very me-specific but perhaps not at odds with larger aging millennial feelings. 

1.) I was embarrassed. My whole life I had been relatively embarrassed that I hadn’t been baptized, even though I grew up and was in and out of Episcopal churches. I’d also always taken communion and didn’t realize the disconnect until later — but also my church is not the most dogmatic about who gets to take communion, so that helps. I did pause my communion-taking when I started going there, giving myself some psychological “fresh start.” But mostly I was embarrassed.

2.) I didn’t — and don’t– believe in the Devil, so I remember I had a chat with a priest there like “I’m happy to renounce evil. Seems like a good idea. But the Devil? I don’t know if he’s real! Or care if he’s real? He doesn’t concern me.” And we had a good chat about the range of interpretations of the devil. But for me it was important I had that talk before I said the vow! 

3.) I went on a walk with a friend from church in advance of my baptism where we chatted about what was making me nervous, and the primary thing was “I don’t want the church to tame me.” My spirituality predates the church. I know people make fun of the “spiritual but not religious” person sometimes, but I was, and it’s real, and it’s fine to be that. And in fact all the spiritual experiences I had — however wild or seeming unreal — led me here. And the good news is the church didn’t tame me. I’m WORSE (jk, but you know what I mean). But I was afraid of being put into some pick-me-Jesus tame thing that was closed off to the complexity of spiritual thought (including what we learn from other practices). In this case it was important I spoke with this church friend because I knew she had a multi-faith background (I was too new to the church to know how the same conversation would have landed with one of the priests!)

4.) Finally, going back to embarrassment but a different sort — I had to come out as Christian to my friends. And invite them to watch me get baptized. And notify them of this thing. When many of them have religious trauma or have watched Christian nationalism only get worse and more sordid. They trust and love me, so they know I’m not trying to get them to be what I am. But it was still a hard step!!

I am flagging the stuff here that I struggled with — and, frankly, got over as soon as I got baptized because I was never more giddy in my life after. The Holy Spirit is loud! And THERE. So at the end of the day stuff just worked itself out, and I calmed the fuck down.

Thank you for reading my novel, M

From L:

My original Episcopal church was really small, but a lot of people from out of town–folks I’d met through diocesan youth programs–had traveled to be there, so it was packed. I just remember thinking, “all this, for meeee?!” No emoji back then but it was def

And they were all grinning like idiots. So like this sea of people smiling at me. And honest to god, I thought, “I finally belong somewhere”

My parents were really difficult in some ways and our relationship was strained when I was in high school. They felt threatened by it but I really needed a different family at the time. The church gave me that and it was my way of rebelling. A big deal for a little girl who grew up in a Primitive (yes, that’s a real thing) Baptist church to haul off and join the Episcopal church.

From B:

How did it feel?

Coming from a family where really none of the family I talk to are religious, and being baptized as a college student, it was definitely a defining moment of doing something for myself, based on my own decision, for one of the first times. I got to go to the Easter Vigil the year before I was baptized, and I remember thinking about how that would be me up there someday. The day itself goes by so fast, and it really hit me I think when I saw the baptism candle in my room the next day.

How to make it memorable:

If you haven’t chosen your baptism sponsors yet, this was one of the ways I made my baptism meaningful to me. Being trans myself and spending time in spaces with queer and trans people of faith, I chose to have my sponsors all be trans and nonbinary people who all came from different Christian traditions. Choose people who have helped you on your baptism journey, people whose faiths you inspire to have, or just people you couldn’t see doing this day without

Take time to just be a parishioner. Between baptism prep with the priest and always helping out with something around church, it was important for me to take time to just be alone in a church for prayer. Whether it’s going to Grace’s open hours, going to a Sunday service where you aren’t known by everyone there, or going to the cathedral, find some time where it can just be you and God and not a bunch of people wanting to talk to you.

Figure out your mementos beforehand! Figure out who’s taking photos, figure out if you want someone to take video. I still have the voice memo recording of my baptism seron on my phone. Being an adult convert, I still have every cross made of palm leaves from every Palm Sunday service I’ve been to. I keep things I know I will want to return to.

From P:

I was baptized at my church’s Easter Vigil in 2023, and i have such great memories of it. As far as preparation, i approached Lent as a way to ready myself and put myself in the right headspace; for me personally, that meant i quit drinking alcohol (i do this every Lent) and prayed each day more regularly. Basically, i tried to be mindful/reflective/intentional about what i consider to be such a huge milestone in my life, and what it means going forward. That said, during the “build-up” to baptism i remember sorta feeling worried i wasn’t doing enough preparation, doing it right, etc., y’know? Maybe a little of my anxiety and OCD showing there. But thinking big picture, i realized just how much growth i’ve had since deciding to attend church and become a Christian, and that God appreciates and loves us any way we come to Him, so that set me at ease.

From L:

for me it had been something id been self conscious about before, not constantly, but sometimes – my parents weren’t religious, both had been christened and dabbled, my dad now is a proud athiest so maybe he had that going on too, anyway they didn’t want to make that choice for us as babies — but i really regretted that a lot bc it made me feel like an outsider when we did go (rare) and then when i wanted to start going and then did start going i felt really embarrassed that i wasn’t baptized … when i had my meeting with the rev about it — this was after i was going awhile, i think … he said i wasnt going to hell no matter what, baptized or not … but that was nice to hear i guess … also i remember him being very gracious and kind in talking about my parents – no judgement from him that they hadn’t had me christened as a baby, and also was just like this is a cool thing you’re deciding to do, that’s great …so yes i think just like, the feeling of this being treated NOT as “abnormal” and instead as like a really cool and beautiful thing that some people’s parents choose for them and some people choose for themselves and both are great and good

From J:

a month later I had surgery on my vocal chords and couldn’t speak for 2 weeks; Then two months after that I became extremely ill; so, like, sometimes a lot shakes loose. I guess it means things you don’t understand in the moment, which is what is humbling about it? For ex-evangelicals, I think it’s special as a key way to connect with such an old ritual, exactly the kind of thing you’ve been denied in the past. So that was meaningful to me; like, you’re special and also NOT special, because this ties you to every other Christian in history. I also now love witnessing baptisms, definitely a different experience since my own.

From P:

I was raised atheist so it was all pretty foreign to me. The formation and sponsor program at my church was great because I learned the point of the structure of the service and the lectionary etc. Getting into the history of our tradition and how obviously it’s been tangled in temporal politics in its very structure (English reformation, American Revolution, etc.) was great for me. But the big “aha!” Moments for me was actually while having lunch with an old religion professor of my wife who is a very observant Jewish man. We had been talking about poetry earlier and how I struggle with it, and he said, “Ah, you don’t understand religion for the same reason you don’t understand poetry. You don’t see how something can be True, without being true.” And that like, gave me permission to interpret things that I couldn’t understand in a literal way (e.g. miracles, the Trinity) in a more poetic way. So I got baptized and it was beautiful and a baby got baptized with me which was fun. And now I teach Sunday school to 12-13 year olds and serve on the vestry and if my *aggressively* atheist teen self could see me now, she’d be mighty confused!

Some more thoughts from Mother Julia:

Baptism is jumping in to a life in Christ. Just like every yes is also a no and every no is also a yes, baptism is a death to old self and a new birth to a life that lives alongside resurrection all the time. No one knows all the answers when they’re baptized, but your participation in it brings everyone a little bit closer to understanding God’s will and God’s love for the world. I am grateful for your willingness to take this plunge, so to speak. I hope I can add your reflections to this post soon!

Love, Julia